can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
