He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
