Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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