Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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