Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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