wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
