okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
