Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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