literally had 100 drinks last night.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
