that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
