you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
