We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
