I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
