No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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