he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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