Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college

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(618): View more from Illinois

It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.

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(916): View more from California

I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.

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(253): View more from Washington

I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips

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(303): View more from Colorado

He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs

(720): View more from Colorado

Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment

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(213): View more from California

i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??

(1-213): View more from California

You just listed two reasons.

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