Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
