I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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