The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
