help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
