dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
