pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
