dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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