The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
