remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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