I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
