Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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