i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize