I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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