We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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