I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Shame - the story of my life.
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