She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
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