It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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