If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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