i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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