apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
