If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize