Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
