nutella sex= disaster
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
