i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
