...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I love you. Go after that dick
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
