We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
