don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
