Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
