Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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