Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
