We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
