Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
