It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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