so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
