God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
