Well douche your snatch and let's go!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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