You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
