time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
