Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
