Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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