Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
