is your mom at the bar?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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