I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
