You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
