i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Fuck appropriateness.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
