I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
