k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
