I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
