sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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