I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
