Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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