can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
