You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
