Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
