doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
